Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
