but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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