he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
