The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
