the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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