So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
