The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
