she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
