I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Couch. On fire.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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