I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
