I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
