Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize