I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
