I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
