how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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