I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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