I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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