my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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