please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
