My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
