i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
