Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
