and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
