Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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