Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
