Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
