I can text with my tongue
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
