It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize