hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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