Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize