quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
