I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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