i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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