respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
