that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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