I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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