Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
