First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
