the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
