Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
