i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
