dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize