My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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