you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize