I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
