I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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