We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
