He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry about my life...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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