sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
