You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
