My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
