I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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