You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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