my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
