In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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