I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
