I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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