Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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