all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
please don't ironically join a cult
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