Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
