mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
