I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
