Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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