I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
