I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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